Support for children

Support for Children

We are here to help children navigate their grief and loss. Providing a space that children can be listened to and given time to grieve in their own way.

At the Les Bourgs Hospice we understand how important it is to include children in their loved ones care and journey with a terminal or life limiting illness. If children are well supported, informed and made part of everything that is happening this will help them with their grief now and in the future.

When a parent, sibling, grandparent or friend has died, children and young people grieve just as deeply as adults, but they can show it in different ways. They learn how to grieve by copying the responses of the adults around them and rely on them to support them in their grief.

How a child or young person responds to someone dying will be influenced by their age and understanding, the relationship they had with the person who died, and how the person died.

We would advise when talking about death and dying to children that you use clear, age-appropriate language and avoid words and phrases like 'gone' or 'passed away' which can be confusing for children. When a loved one has died we do not advise utilising the phrase ‘gone to sleep’ as children may be scared that when they or other loved ones go to sleep that they will not wake up again.

Children sometimes ask many questions and you may have to answer the same question repeatedly, especially with younger children. If we speak honestly and openly to children and give them information they can process they will trust you and feel safe. Sometimes we try to protect children by not telling them the truth and unfortunately, this has the opposite outcome. They do not feel included and can feel isolated, lonely and detached from what is happening. Children in this situation can often make up a far scarier and worse scenario in their imagination. They can with draw and lose trust in everyone.

 

It is important to acknowledge children’s grief and loss and show understanding to how their situation and life has changed.  Reassuring them that;

• You are a safe space to share and process their emotions.
• Highlighting to them that it is normal to experience a range of reactions, emotions and big feelings.
• With the right support and clear age appropriate information emotions will settle over time.

 

Showing your grief will also encourage children to express theirs. Reassuring them that it is ok to cry, it is ok to feel frustrated and angry and it is ok to feel a range of different emotions at this time. Let them know that this time in their lives can feel very confusing and unsettling. We would advise keeping to a child’s normal routines as much as possible if they feel they want to. Continuing to support them in their normal rhythm of life with school/activities/playdates will help them adjust back to life after their loved one has died.

It is important throughout this time if they still feel emotions of happiness and laughter and have moments of enjoyment, reassure them that this is ok too. Sometimes children and young people can feel guilty when they feel these happy emotions at such a challenging and sad time in their families lives. There is no right or wrong way to feel or be.

We cannot take away their pain or sadness but together we can support them to build resilience to help them feel good about themselves and find ways to manage any worries and uncertainties. 

Showing children compassion, kindness, understanding and empathy at this time in their lives is priority to us. We are here at the hospice to provide a welcoming, safe and nurturing space for your family.

 

“I think we dream so we don’t have to be apart for so long.  If we’re in each other’s dreams, we can be together all of the time.”
- A.A Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh

 

Our Bereavement Support Nurses are here to provide 1-1 and family bereavement support with a person centred and holistic approach. If you have a loved one with a life limiting illness, know that the Hospice Bereavement Service is available to contact for support regardless of what stage of the journey it is for you and your family. Please do not hesitate to contact us on 01481251111 or bereavementsupport@lesbourgs.com.

We can also recommend books and websites to help you navigate you and your children’s grief and loss.

Please follow the links for a list of books and websites you may find helpful.

Websites to help support Children and Teenagers
Bereavement Books to help support Children and Teenagers